Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission if you click a link and purchase something that we have recommended.
Whatever the circumstances, going through a breakup is a painful process. Feelings don’t have an off switch and you may find yourself questioning whether you’ve done the right thing.
Getting over your ex-partner is something that you will need to do in your own time, but we’ve put together a guide that should help you get there. Read on to discover how to deal with a breakup and mend your broken heart.
Stage 1: Rock bottom
The first stage post-breakup is usually the worst. Firstly, you’ll want to hibernate in your bedroom, there will be tears and you’ll just be trying to process everything that has happened. At this point, you may also be holding onto some hope that you could get back together.
Here’s how to deal with a breakup in stage 1:
- Ensure you have people to talk to and be around. For instance, a friend, roommate or parent.
- Focus on your work and use it as a distraction during the day
- Find something to watch that will lift your spirits i.e. YouTube channels or a comedy series
Here’s how not to deal with a breakup in stage 1:
- Try to win your partner back with gifts
- Make big financial decisions both individually and as a couple
- Show up at your ex’s house
- Hook up with your ex as this can be extremely confusing
- Plead with them to take you back
Stage 2: This is really happening
As you enter stage 2, it will really start to sink in that your relationship is over. That person is not going to be in your life anymore and may even have started dating again. You may not feel quite yourself yet, but you are able to do a bit more socialising with friends.
Here’s how to deal with a breakup in stage 2:
- Say goodbye to sessions of mourning in your bed
- Block your ex on social media
- Surround yourself with loved ones
- Avoid going to places where you could bump into your ex
- If you can, go on holiday and get away for a bit
Here’s how not to deal with a breakup in stage 2:
- Ask your ex whether they are dating again and question them about who they are seeing
- Continuously check their social media
- Stay in bed all-day
Stage 3: Get out of the hole
Now it’s time to get your life back on track and start investing in you.
Here’s how to deal with a breakup in stage 3:
- Take care of your physical health by eating well and exercising more. You may be ready to start working on your revenge body in the gym or doing so workouts at home
- Keep your best, loyal friends close
- Read some books (that don’t involve breakups). These can be self-help books or just getting stuck into genres that you enjoy and that offer an escape.
- Stop counting the days since you last had contact with your ex
- Maybe start thinking about dating again
Here’s how not to deal with a breakup in stage 3:
- Go out and get way too drunk, this could bring on a whole wave of negative emotions
- Make drastic life choices
Stage 4: Focusing on your happiness
You may be starting to realise that you are better off without your ex and that there are better options out there for you. You’ve been through a rocky patch, but the aim is to come out of this like a beautiful butterfly.
Here’s how to deal with a breakup in stage 4:
- Be open to meeting new people and making new friends
- Don’t make finding a new partner a priority, but if you feel ready to start hooking up with other people then go for it.
- Get rid of any final reminders or your ex
Here’s how not to deal with a breakup in stage 4:
- Put pressure on yourself to find a new partner
- Stop working on improving yourself
- Compare your recovery to that of your ex
Stage 5: Rediscovery
By this stage, you should be feeling like you’ve gotten yourself back together.
What you should do:
- Start thinking about the big decisions again, for instance where do you want to live and are you happy in your job?
- Keep investing in and growing your new friendships
- Do what you’re passionate about and try new hobbies that you’ve liked the idea of for a while
- Continue to exercise and live healthily – don’t give up!
- Go travelling if you want to
What you should not do:
- Get into another relationship if you’re still regularly thinking about your ex
- Let your ex creep back into your life
Stage 6: You’re back!
If you’ve followed the 5 stages above, you should finally be feeling good and ready to start looking for love again. Hello beautiful butterfly! Above all, don’t look back, just continue to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.
Bringing it all together
In conclusion, breakups are tough and the recovery process can be too. Remember, everyone goes through it at their own pace and it can take well over a year to get to stage 6. Be kind to yourself and give your heart the time it needs to heal.