Trust is a simple concept, but when it comes to building a healthy relationship it’s an essential ingredient. If you have it, you can sleep peacefully at night, not worry about who your partner is texting and think nothing of them working late. However, when trust is lacking in a relationship it can put a lot of strain on both parties.
Do you find yourself checking your partner’s phone? Do you worry about not being good enough for them? Do you have suspicions about what goes on on a night out with their friends? These are prime examples that show the trust in your relationship has broken down.
The good news is that even if there’s been a betrayal or a lack of trust in your relationship, there are ways to get it back. If the two of you are prepared to invest time and energy to rebuild trust and improve your relationship, you can do it. Let’s take a look at how.
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Get clarity on how the trust was lost
When a betrayal takes place, it usually happens for a reason. With emotions being high as a result, it can be difficult to get to the root of what happened and why. If you have been betrayed, it’s important to talk to your partner and listen to what they have to say. While you’re likely to feel upset and angry at them, if you want to resolve things you will need to hear them out.
In many cases, a betrayal occurs because of a bigger problem that may have been brushed under the carpet. Was there anything toxic happening in the relationship before the event? If you can both be open and honest with each other, you can identify the source of your problems and start to rebuild from there.
Discover what motivated the betrayal
Uncovering the motivation behind a betrayal that has taken place in your relationship will help you to figure out whether it can be saved. Different people do things for different reasons and these reasons usually seem rational or important to that person.
If there were problems in your relationship before – feelings of neglect, lack of commitment, anger or an unsatisfactory sex life for instance – these can be worked on. However, there are also instances where you feel like you have been doing everything right and yet your partner still betrays you and you can’t take any blame for that.
Commit to making the relationship better
If you’re hoping to give your relationship another go, ask yourself:
- Are you willing to commit to your partner despite what has happened?
- Do you still love them?
- Do you still have fun and enjoy each other’s company most of the time?
- Will you be able to let go of the past and move forward with your relationship?
If the answer to all of the above questions is yes, then it’s worth trying to fix your relationship and rebuild trust. It may be a long road and there will be ups and downs along the way, but you need to be fully committed if you want to come out of the other side.
Consider having couple’s therapy
Regaining trust in a relationship can be a big challenge and, in some cases, going to couple’s therapy may be the best option. With a trained professional there to help you navigate sharing your thoughts and addressing issues, you’re likely to make more progress. In a set couple’s therapy session, you can no longer ignore or avoid difficult conversations. You can also learn valuable tools that will help you throughout your relationship.
Offer forgiveness
Not being able to forgive your partner is a sign that your relationship is over. While you may have been working hard to move forward, if you’re still harnessing resentment and anger towards them, you haven’t forgiven them.
It can become an easy go-to in an argument to bring up your partner’s past mistakes. However, you can’t keep punishing them and they can’t keep feeling guilty if you want the relationship to move forward. Forgiveness is important for the survival of your relationship.
Remember that time heals
If you have suffered a betrayal, you won’t be able to brush it under the carpet and feel fine the next day. When your heart has been hurt, the healing process will take time and effort. If you’re committed to making your relationship work, keep this in mind and let yourself go through the range of emotions you need to heal. Take it a step at a time.
Be transparent
If you’re wandering into another room to make a phone call, or purposely shielding your phone screen from your partner when texting, you are creating distrust. When there is mending to do in a relationship, it’s important that you are both open and honest with each other. While you are entitled to some privacy, secrecy breeds distrust so make an effort to be open with each other as much as possible.
If you are the betrayer, you should also ensure that you do what you say you are going to do. Even a small white lie can cause big problems when the trust in your relationship is already fragile.
Do what makes you happy
If you’re going through a rough patch, think back to happier times and what you enjoyed doing together. Are there any places you can visit that will help bring you closer? What activities do you both enjoy? Start making an effort to have dates and time specifically for each other. By doing this you will start to heal and build a relationship that is stronger than ever.
Bringing it all together
Is your relationship worth saving? Once you’ve made the decision that it is and both parties are committed to the healing process, the suggestions above can work wonders. It’s not easy, but it will be worth it if you get your happy ending.
